Takeaway tribes
What your takeaway says about you
Burgers - the basic bunch
The “not a takeaway" - the snobs
Pizza - the nihilists
The door bell rings. A bag bulging with food is passed over the threshold. The table has been cleared. Oh the thrill of it all. But all takeaways are not the same. They tell us who we are - or who we think we are - and they can serve very different functions. Busy and stressed-out Britons can’t get enough of them and we are prepared to take the risks for the comfort and satisfaction that only comes with a takeaway blowout.
What does the smash of poppodoms say about life? Why is it acceptable to mix five different Chinese dishes on a single plate? What kind of person likes a “dirty” pizza? Is eating fish and chips your patriotic duty? These questions and more will be answered in our guide to the takeaway tribes of Great Britain.
Fish and Chips - the traditionalists
Curry - the lovers of life
Chinese - the “all or nothing” brigade
There’s a moment that falls somewhere between the first bite of a canape and the last ballad to be played on the dancefloor at a wedding reception, where you’ll look around the assembled throng and think,‘are some of the people here hired actors?’
Because no matter where the happy couple decide to host their after party to the ceremony itself, the same characters will emerge, glass of warmed cava in hand, ready to fulfil what seems to be a partially rehearsed bit-part role in the Big Day.
Whether the setting is country house hotel, hipster gentrified former working men’s club, mock-Gothic castle or provincial hotel function room, there are a few types of person who, one must assume, do nothing other than attend wedding receptions from May to September; subsiding entirely on salmon en croute, Stilton and wedding cake marzipan. Their constitutions may be robust, but that doesn’t mean you want spend too long at the under-staffed bar with any of the following…